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The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. Trusting you will do the right thing.
P.S. If you have developed immunity from WINE and BEER, then as a last resort, take a VACATION (Viral Antidote for Contagious Anxiety- Taxing Incessant Overwork Neurosis) for 2 weeks.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Classic Jokes
QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah, kwah".
QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae (Hokkien for prawns)
QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER : Hoo hoo hoo (Hokkien for fish)
And here is a classic .........
QUESTION : What's the difference between Ang-Mor and Hokkien fairy Tales?
ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..."
and
Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim Peh ka li kong..."
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah, kwah".
QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae (Hokkien for prawns)
QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER : Hoo hoo hoo (Hokkien for fish)
And here is a classic .........
QUESTION : What's the difference between Ang-Mor and Hokkien fairy Tales?
ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..."
and
Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim Peh ka li kong..."
Monday, December 29, 2008
Bathroom light goes on automatically??
Dear Hokkien-speaking friends,
Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing.
Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he telephones the
man's son, and the son's wife answers.
The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law.
It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"
Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing.
Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he telephones the
man's son, and the son's wife answers.
The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law.
It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Ah Beng Malaysian Style Jokes
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Ah Beng: People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, "Oh GOD! U have come again".
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng: 'I was watching TV news...'
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning. Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Ah Beng: People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, "Oh GOD! U have come again".
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng: 'I was watching TV news...'
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning. Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Friday, December 26, 2008
Ironies of life - humour
Men :
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
Women :
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just 'an old rag'.
6. Although their clothes are always 'just an old rag', they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
Wisdom:
WHEN I WAS MARRIED 25 YEARS, I TOOK A LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, 'HONEY, 25 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD
BLOND.'
NOW WE HAVE A $2M HOME, A $245,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND 50' PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT & FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD BLONDE, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
Women :
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just 'an old rag'.
6. Although their clothes are always 'just an old rag', they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
Wisdom:
WHEN I WAS MARRIED 25 YEARS, I TOOK A LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, 'HONEY, 25 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD
BLOND.'
NOW WE HAVE A $2M HOME, A $245,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND 50' PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT & FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD BLONDE, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Computer Problem? Very Funny !!
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen? "
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen? "
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
SINGAPOREAN :P
A little food for thought ... and an interesting insights to a Strange CREATURE CALLED SINGAPOREAN
Have Fun!
1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on
2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep
3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke
4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restrictions on buying)
5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox
6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain
7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More
8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet
9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car,Credit Card, CPF ....but no Cash and lots of loans
10.Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland China Chinese
11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain
12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats
13. Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus,Second section is for Carrying Ghost
Have Fun!
1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on
2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep
3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke
4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restrictions on buying)
5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox
6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain
7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More
8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet
9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car,Credit Card, CPF ....but no Cash and lots of loans
10.Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland China Chinese
11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain
12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats
13. Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus,Second section is for Carrying Ghost
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Police v Driver (Malaysia Jokes)
Very funny.. For those not understand can leave a comment here then I will translate it for you. Enjoy !! :)
Polis ： Encik, tadi u tak ada nampak lampu merah kah?
Driver ：Ada!
Polis ：Kenapa u masih jalan?
Driver： Saya ada nampak lampu merah, tapi saya tak ada nampak u……
Polis ：!@#$%^&*()
Driver: bagi peluang ..tuan...
Polis: peluang bagi dgn macam mana??
Driver: bagilah peluang..
Polis: ya.. dgn macam mana??
Driver: biasa looo..
Polis: macam mana biasa..???
Driver: wei.. u pura pura ke atau hilang ingatan ar..
Polis: ape u maksud??
Driver: haizz.. u memang sedang bazirkan masa saya ..bagi saman...CEPATTTT...
Polis: saman RM200 o.. fikir baik baik ...
Driver: wei.. u tak faham maksud saya ka.. suruh u bagi then jus bagi la.. apasal mau cakap banyak... u punya head suruh u mari sini chating ar?? mau saman then cepat sikit.. hanya tahu bazir masa saya.. saya sanggup bayar saman ini pun tak akan bagi u minum.... biar u dahaga
Polis: )*&@&%$#(_!+%!&%)(!_$@&$_!@(%&!@&%!)
Polis ： Encik, tadi u tak ada nampak lampu merah kah?
Driver ：Ada!
Polis ：Kenapa u masih jalan?
Driver： Saya ada nampak lampu merah, tapi saya tak ada nampak u……
Polis ：!@#$%^&*()
Driver: bagi peluang ..tuan...
Polis: peluang bagi dgn macam mana??
Driver: bagilah peluang..
Polis: ya.. dgn macam mana??
Driver: biasa looo..
Polis: macam mana biasa..???
Driver: wei.. u pura pura ke atau hilang ingatan ar..
Polis: ape u maksud??
Driver: haizz.. u memang sedang bazirkan masa saya ..bagi saman...CEPATTTT...
Polis: saman RM200 o.. fikir baik baik ...
Driver: wei.. u tak faham maksud saya ka.. suruh u bagi then jus bagi la.. apasal mau cakap banyak... u punya head suruh u mari sini chating ar?? mau saman then cepat sikit.. hanya tahu bazir masa saya.. saya sanggup bayar saman ini pun tak akan bagi u minum.... biar u dahaga
Polis: )*&@&%$#(_!+%!&%)(!_$@&$_!@(%&!@&%!)
Monday, December 22, 2008
Boss vs Me (Staff) jokes
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
Happy working on monday :P
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
Happy working on monday :P
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Faces (Test EQ)
How many faces can you find?
To test your intelligence:
If can find 0 –5 faces –idiot
If can find 6 –7 faces –stupid
If can find 8 –9 faces –normal
If can find 10 –11 –very normal
If can find 12 –13 faces –genius
Click on the image to enlarge
To test your intelligence:
If can find 0 –5 faces –idiot
If can find 6 –7 faces –stupid
If can find 8 –9 faces –normal
If can find 10 –11 –very normal
If can find 12 –13 faces –genius
Click on the image to enlarge
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Two Nuns
There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM : And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, I'll pray for you!
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM : And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, I'll pray for you!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Explore the sun??
Mr S. V. went for the United Nations' meeting. He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister. All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2008.
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon."
G. B. & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate : "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."
There was a long silence. B stood up and asked the Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
S. V. (after a long silence) : "We will do it in the evening."
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon."
G. B. & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate : "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."
There was a long silence. B stood up and asked the Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
S. V. (after a long silence) : "We will do it in the evening."
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Malaysia Kancil Car
Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"? You know, that very little 600cc car???
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with Mr. B, Dr M checks with Mr. B to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA
After having looked at the brochure, B said, "You know, I think this 'KERNCHILL' is too small for us Americans."
Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally B offered, "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America ."
Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia . The next day he called the number and a lady answered *,"TOYS R **US** , can I help you?"
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with Mr. B, Dr M checks with Mr. B to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA
After having looked at the brochure, B said, "You know, I think this 'KERNCHILL' is too small for us Americans."
Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally B offered, "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America ."
Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia . The next day he called the number and a lady answered *,"TOYS R **US** , can I help you?"
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Jokes of the day
DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already.
NAMES OF WIVES
One man had 4 wives, so he called his :-
4th wife..... baby doll,
3rd wife ....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch.
THE OLD QUESTION ANSWERED
CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?
DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!.. Listen...
Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe? Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared!.
CHILD: Huh?
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already.
NAMES OF WIVES
One man had 4 wives, so he called his :-
4th wife..... baby doll,
3rd wife ....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch.
THE OLD QUESTION ANSWERED
CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?
DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!.. Listen...
Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe? Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared!.
CHILD: Huh?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Funny Jokes :)
1, MOM...CAN YOU BUY ME A BRA?
"Mum, can I ask you something?"
"Sure! What about?"
"You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one."
"And what is this 'one' you're referring to?"
"Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?"
"No."
"But my nip*ples are already prominent and it catches attention."
"Nope."
"It will be just proper at my age..."
"I said no way...!"
"But all of my friends wear......!"
"David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?"
2. WHO SHOT THE BEAR?
An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up at his doctor's office. He says to the doctor, "I've never felt better in my whole life. In fact, I have a 20 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child. What do you think of that?"
The doctor thinks for a second and then says, "Let me tell you a story. I know this guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a hunting season. But one day he's in a hurry to go hunting and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in the woods and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of nowhere. He raises his umbrella, points at the bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops dead in front of him. What do you think of that?"
The old man says, "That's impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear!"
"EXACTLY" says the doctor.
3. WHAT'S IN A NAME?
A Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
"Say, Mom," he asked, "why is my big brother named Mighty Storm'?"
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." she replied.
"Why is my sister named 'Corn Flower'?"
"Well," his mother answered, "Your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called 'Moon Child'?"
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived," the mother replied.
The mother then asked the boy, "Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"
4. BIOLOGY LESSON
At a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"
A student replied: "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."
Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller than gals?"
Student: "That's because gals have brea*sts and they are heavier than the guy's balls."
"Mum, can I ask you something?"
"Sure! What about?"
"You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one."
"And what is this 'one' you're referring to?"
"Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?"
"No."
"But my nip*ples are already prominent and it catches attention."
"Nope."
"It will be just proper at my age..."
"I said no way...!"
"But all of my friends wear......!"
"David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?"
2. WHO SHOT THE BEAR?
An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up at his doctor's office. He says to the doctor, "I've never felt better in my whole life. In fact, I have a 20 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child. What do you think of that?"
The doctor thinks for a second and then says, "Let me tell you a story. I know this guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a hunting season. But one day he's in a hurry to go hunting and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in the woods and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of nowhere. He raises his umbrella, points at the bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops dead in front of him. What do you think of that?"
The old man says, "That's impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear!"
"EXACTLY" says the doctor.
3. WHAT'S IN A NAME?
A Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
"Say, Mom," he asked, "why is my big brother named Mighty Storm'?"
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." she replied.
"Why is my sister named 'Corn Flower'?"
"Well," his mother answered, "Your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called 'Moon Child'?"
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived," the mother replied.
The mother then asked the boy, "Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"
4. BIOLOGY LESSON
At a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"
A student replied: "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."
Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller than gals?"
Student: "That's because gals have brea*sts and they are heavier than the guy's balls."
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day you send a letter to your boss asking for an increase in your salary !
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need$ ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
xxx
The next day, you received this letter of reply :
Oh my dear:
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must
have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need$ ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
xxx
The next day, you received this letter of reply :
Oh my dear:
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must
have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
Monday, December 15, 2008
Chinese + English = ?
You might like it. This is hilarious.....even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
About Men??
What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man?
You can enjoy all but the head
What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man?
They are both said to be intelligent, but no one Can prove this.
What is the similarity between a microwave oven And a man?
They both get hot in 15 seconds
Why can't a man be both handsome and intelligent?
Because that would make him a woman.
Why is a man's brain the size of a peanut?
Because it is swollen.
Why are batteries better than men?
Batteries have at least one positive end.
Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise One egg?
Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask Directions.
Why are men like the letter Q?
Because it is a big fat zero with a small protrusion.
Why do fewer women get married these days?
Because they would rather have bacon in the Fridge, than a pig in the living room.
What is the similarity between a video recorder And a man?
They go forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards, Stop and eject!
Why is the male intelligence worth more than the Female?
It is rarer.
Why do men prefer to marry virgins?
They cannot handle the criticism.
What do you call an attractive intelligent and Sensitive Man?
A rumour.
Why don't men go through menopause?
They never left puberty.
You can enjoy all but the head
What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man?
They are both said to be intelligent, but no one Can prove this.
What is the similarity between a microwave oven And a man?
They both get hot in 15 seconds
Why can't a man be both handsome and intelligent?
Because that would make him a woman.
Why is a man's brain the size of a peanut?
Because it is swollen.
Why are batteries better than men?
Batteries have at least one positive end.
Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise One egg?
Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask Directions.
Why are men like the letter Q?
Because it is a big fat zero with a small protrusion.
Why do fewer women get married these days?
Because they would rather have bacon in the Fridge, than a pig in the living room.
What is the similarity between a video recorder And a man?
They go forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards, Stop and eject!
Why is the male intelligence worth more than the Female?
It is rarer.
Why do men prefer to marry virgins?
They cannot handle the criticism.
What do you call an attractive intelligent and Sensitive Man?
A rumour.
Why don't men go through menopause?
They never left puberty.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
M.P.???
Interviewer: Your Name?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: Tell me properly.
Interviewee: Mohan Pal, Sir.
Interviewer: Your father's name?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: What dose that mean?
Interviewee: Manmohan Pal, Sir.
Interviewer: Your native place?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: Madhya Pradesh?
Interviewee: No, Munnur Pal, Sir.
Interviewer: What is your qualification?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer (Angrily): What is it?
Interviewee: Matric Pass.
Interviewer: Why do you need a job?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: And what does that mean?
Interviewee: Money problem, Sir.
Interviewer: Describe your personality.
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: Explain yourself clearly.
Interviewee: Magnanimous personality, Sir.
Interviewer: This discussion is now over. You may go now.
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: What is it now?
Interviewee: My performance, Sir?
Interviewer: M.P.!!!
Interviewee: What is that, Sir.
Interviewer: Mentally punctured!
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: Tell me properly.
Interviewee: Mohan Pal, Sir.
Interviewer: Your father's name?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: What dose that mean?
Interviewee: Manmohan Pal, Sir.
Interviewer: Your native place?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: Madhya Pradesh?
Interviewee: No, Munnur Pal, Sir.
Interviewer: What is your qualification?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer (Angrily): What is it?
Interviewee: Matric Pass.
Interviewer: Why do you need a job?
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: And what does that mean?
Interviewee: Money problem, Sir.
Interviewer: Describe your personality.
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: Explain yourself clearly.
Interviewee: Magnanimous personality, Sir.
Interviewer: This discussion is now over. You may go now.
Interviewee: M.P., Sir.
Interviewer: What is it now?
Interviewee: My performance, Sir?
Interviewer: M.P.!!!
Interviewee: What is that, Sir.
Interviewer: Mentally punctured!
Friday, December 12, 2008
BUSINESS LOGICS
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive.
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
HusbandMart
This is a must read if you are a women. Men should read this too, as it will give you a much better understanding of women!
A husband shopping center (HusbandMart) has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.
As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!"exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 You are visitor 123,456,789,0123 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at HusbandMart and have a nice day!
A husband shopping center (HusbandMart) has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.
As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!"exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 You are visitor 123,456,789,0123 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at HusbandMart and have a nice day!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Garage Door Open
A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down, and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He then zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask a cup of coffee from his secretary. He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw the garage door open, did you see my jaguar park in there?" The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss, I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tyres."
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He then zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask a cup of coffee from his secretary. He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw the garage door open, did you see my jaguar park in there?" The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss, I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tyres."
Husband ask for divorce
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again.
"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55 mph.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insist ently. Up to 60 mph. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. ..."The airbag."....
Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
Moral of the story:
Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The husband sure die and wife gets everything!
So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today.... :)
"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again.
"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55 mph.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insist ently. Up to 60 mph. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. ..."The airbag."....
Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
Moral of the story:
Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The husband sure die and wife gets everything!
So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today.... :)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Employees' Memo
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)
P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T to 5 people who need S.H.I.T in their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T. They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T.
Thank you for your time. !
Sincerely,
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)
P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T to 5 people who need S.H.I.T in their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T. They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T.
Thank you for your time. !
Sincerely,
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Answer for Quiz #1
Only one person go to Kasoa. Because he only meet another people at the bust stop.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Jokes of the day
1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant !! Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!
"YES".. OK, BYE". She turns to her lover and says, "THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU"
3. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
4. Income Tax office asked a Mama-san why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 "CHICS" LAST YEAR.!!
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!
"YES".. OK, BYE". She turns to her lover and says, "THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU"
3. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
4. Income Tax office asked a Mama-san why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 "CHICS" LAST YEAR.!!
Quiz #1
A man was traveling to Kasoa.
At the bus stop, he met a man with 7 wifes. Each wife has 12 sons and 12 daughter
Each daughter of the man's wife had 4 sons and 7 daughters, each son of the man's wife had 7 sons and 4 daughters.
Each grand daughter had 4 friends.
How many people go to Kasoa?
At the bus stop, he met a man with 7 wifes. Each wife has 12 sons and 12 daughter
Each daughter of the man's wife had 4 sons and 7 daughters, each son of the man's wife had 7 sons and 4 daughters.
Each grand daughter had 4 friends.
How many people go to Kasoa?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Trick #3: Microsoft Word
This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable... It was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it out yourself...
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
And then press ENTER
Then see the magic...............................
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
And then press ENTER
Then see the magic...............................
Trick #2: Windows Notepad
For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type 'Bush hid the facts' (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.
is it just a really weird bug? :-?? 畂桳栠摩琠敨映捡獴
1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type 'Bush hid the facts' (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.
is it just a really weird bug? :-?? 畂桳栠摩琠敨映捡獴
Trick #1: Computer Folder?
An Indian discovered that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the Computer which can be named as 'CON'. This is something pretty Cool...and Unbelievable.... At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW ,IT WILL NOT CREATE ' CON ' FOLDER
TRY IT NOW ,IT WILL NOT CREATE ' CON ' FOLDER
How Men and Women Differ
NICKNAMES
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale
BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
* Women love cats.
* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
* What a woman says: C'mon..This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
* What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah
YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale
BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
* Women love cats.
* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
* What a woman says: C'mon..This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
* What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah
YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
How Friendship Break?
Both Friends Will Think The Other Is Busy And Will Not Contact, Thinking It May Be Disturbing. As Time Passes Both Will Think Let The Other Contact. After That each Will Think Why I Should Contact First? Here Your Love Will Be Converted To Hate. Finally Without Contact The Memory Becomes Weak. They Forget Each Other.
So, keep in touch with my blog :P
So, keep in touch with my blog :P
Anger Management
Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush~~
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush~~
Monday, December 1, 2008
Old couples
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'
Wrong patient
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Forget the wife name as well
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Two elderly gentlemen
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
An elderly gentleman
An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Budget Cuts and New Office Code
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Saturday, November 29, 2008
LOYAL WIFE or CLEVER WIFE?
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him .'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it altogether, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him .'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it altogether, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
Friday, November 28, 2008
Jokes of the day
A 70 years old man asks his wife, 'Do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls?'
Wife replied 'No, not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date, her mother warned her......
'First, he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name.'
Next day, girl told Mom, 'Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A white couple had a black baby...... The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: You hot, I hot, baby burnt!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Honey, what are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing
Wife: Nothing? You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white???
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
Wife replied 'No, not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date, her mother warned her......
'First, he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name.'
Next day, girl told Mom, 'Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A white couple had a black baby...... The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: You hot, I hot, baby burnt!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Honey, what are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing
Wife: Nothing? You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white???
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
Singapore True Story
A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner.
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper.Her father said 'If you both come back I will allow you to marry. I accept that you love each other truly.'
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress.He was
dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiancee, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after some time that she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and cremation was the very next day as he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains,and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.
She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady in her dream standing at her door.
She got very scared and fainted..
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which
shocked the girl. She asked 'What is this...?'
The old lady replied...
'Aiyaa..try DYNAMOLiquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains !!!' ...........
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper.Her father said 'If you both come back I will allow you to marry. I accept that you love each other truly.'
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress.He was
dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiancee, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after some time that she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and cremation was the very next day as he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains,and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.
She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady in her dream standing at her door.
She got very scared and fainted..
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which
shocked the girl. She asked 'What is this...?'
The old lady replied...
'Aiyaa..try DYNAMOLiquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains !!!' ...........
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monkey Business :P
If you have difficulty understanding the current world financial situation, the following should help...
Once upon a time in a village in India , a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, si! nce he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ' Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50. '
The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to WALL STREET.
Once upon a time in a village in India , a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, si! nce he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ' Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50. '
The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to WALL STREET.
The love story of Itai and Inai
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.
Itai and Inai were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day , while they were walking past the hospital 's swimming pool,
Itai suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool and stayed there.
Inai promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him
out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Inai's heroic act He
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Inai the news he said, 'Inai, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Itai hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt
right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Inai replied, 'he didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?'
they don't love you with all they have.
Itai and Inai were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day , while they were walking past the hospital 's swimming pool,
Itai suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool and stayed there.
Inai promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him
out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Inai's heroic act He
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Inai the news he said, 'Inai, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Itai hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt
right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Inai replied, 'he didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?'
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Some interesting theories about human and pigs
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = pigs that work
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
therefore, Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
therefore, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish all the pigs happy forever.
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = pigs that work
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
therefore, Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
therefore, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish all the pigs happy forever.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Ahbeng old jokes
This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and introduce to Ahbeng.
The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor
Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of
chatting with the girls his mother asked him.
Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?
Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most
Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto skool also easy
Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!
Ahkew : Why dunwan?
Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say " PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!
Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian
Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON! " dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?
Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say " BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!! " (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!
The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor
Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of
chatting with the girls his mother asked him.
Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?
Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most
Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto skool also easy
Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!
Ahkew : Why dunwan?
Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say " PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!
Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian
Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON! " dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?
Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say " BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!! " (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The World's... Hardest Game Version 1.0
This game is fun. You need to move your object to certain place without being hit by another moving objects. The higher the game level, the more difficult it is. Have fun !!
http://www.bored.com/games/play/65/Hardest-Game.html
http://www.bored.com/games/play/65/Hardest-Game.html
Another Cooking Game
Its quite similar with the first game, just that this game is in chinese language. Have fun..
http://www.telford.com.hk/game/taoti.htm
http://www.telford.com.hk/game/taoti.htm
Cooking Game
This game is called H.K. Cafe and it is quite fun. Customer will request certain foods or drinks, and you should prepare it as soon as possible, else they might get angry and cancel the order. The concept is quite similar like Sally's Saloon. Happy playing.. :)
http://maggiemarket.kizash.com/games/h.k._cafe/
http://maggiemarket.kizash.com/games/h.k._cafe/
Welcome
Welcome to Entertainment blog. I will post fun story and mini games' links in this blog.. Enjoy your visit.. :)
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