Posts
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Advertisement Disclaimer
Disclaimer: We may generate ad income and accept advertising/ads & links on our blogs.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wrong mail ID
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2008
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2008
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Singapore Jokes
Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?"
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng. "Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?" The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
One day, there were an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and Bangladeshi traveled around on a private helicopter. After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his cigarette (Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking after two sip, he threw the balance of the cigarette. The other three persons were surprised and asked "Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before throwing?" He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."
Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded perfume and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why did you throw away the perfume?" The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."
The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that Bangladeshi out of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazyly, "Why did you push him !?" The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country!" Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng. "Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?" The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
One day, there were an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and Bangladeshi traveled around on a private helicopter. After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his cigarette (Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking after two sip, he threw the balance of the cigarette. The other three persons were surprised and asked "Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before throwing?" He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."
Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded perfume and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why did you throw away the perfume?" The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."
The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that Bangladeshi out of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazyly, "Why did you push him !?" The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country!" Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed
room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
.
.
.
If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the accounts
Department .
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing ..
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering .
If they are arranging the
bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning .
If they are throwing the
bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security .
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information Technology .
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources .
If they say they have tried different combinations,
yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing .
If they are staring out of the Window.
Put them on strategic Planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other
and not a single brick has been moved...
Congratulate them and
put them in Top management
room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
.
.
.
If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the accounts
Department .
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing ..
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering .
If they are arranging the
bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning .
If they are throwing the
bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security .
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information Technology .
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources .
If they say they have tried different combinations,
yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing .
If they are staring out of the Window.
Put them on strategic Planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other
and not a single brick has been moved...
Congratulate them and
put them in Top management
Monday, May 25, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Ah Beng Jokes
Long time ago, a rich Singapore tycoon wanted to know how happy a man could be if he was given one wish.
He paid 3 people to test out his experiment:
The rules were:
1. Each person could only have 1 wish.
2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30 years.
3. Food, but not liquor would be provided.
The first contestant, Billy Klinton (USA) asked for the 30 prettiest PLAYBOY centrefolds: " So I can make the most beautiful babies in the world."
The second contestant, Jon Mayjor (UK) said, "I want 30 years' supply of booze."
The last contestant ,Ah Beng (Singapore) said," I want 30 years' supply of Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I can smoke until I song-song"
30 years later, the 3 contestants came back for a press conference.
Billy had with him 200 children and 30 estranged women. He remarked, " It has been a long sexual experience for me and I was wondering whether anyone care to buy a child. I will even throw in the mother for free !"
Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer, was suffering from a hangover but he managed to utter these words. " God save the Beer ! The Queen can drink sea water. "
The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni na beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring lighter!)
He paid 3 people to test out his experiment:
The rules were:
1. Each person could only have 1 wish.
2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30 years.
3. Food, but not liquor would be provided.
The first contestant, Billy Klinton (USA) asked for the 30 prettiest PLAYBOY centrefolds: " So I can make the most beautiful babies in the world."
The second contestant, Jon Mayjor (UK) said, "I want 30 years' supply of booze."
The last contestant ,Ah Beng (Singapore) said," I want 30 years' supply of Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I can smoke until I song-song"
30 years later, the 3 contestants came back for a press conference.
Billy had with him 200 children and 30 estranged women. He remarked, " It has been a long sexual experience for me and I was wondering whether anyone care to buy a child. I will even throw in the mother for free !"
Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer, was suffering from a hangover but he managed to utter these words. " God save the Beer ! The Queen can drink sea water. "
The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni na beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring lighter!)
Ah Beng Recruitment
Since the IR has been approved, the underworld is looking for recruits.
This one - CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY, a Geylang-based organization for youth, is now recruiting members to fulfill a tender they are submitting to the new casi? Sorry, sorry, integrated resort.
Please fill in the form below and mail to:
Mr. Chao Ah Beng
Membership Officer
Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society
69 Geylang Lorong 69
Singapore 696969
Reference code: chapsartiam.com
APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY
1. NRIC No.: _________________
2. Surname: __________________
3. First name: (please X)
[ ] Johnson
[ ] Benson
[ ] Samson
[ ] Hamson
[ ] Janson
[ ] Other: _________________ (if not ! ending in son? please explain why)
4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with Ah? please explain why)
5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng
6. Sex: [ ] M [ ] F [ ] at Geylang
7. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm)
8. Ability to squat for:
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!)
9. Hairstyle:
[ ] Spiky
[ ] Dyed with streaks of blond
[ ] Dyed with streaks of red
[ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes
[ ] Kana mop like that
[ ] Perm (please state which saloon in JB you went)____________________
10. Tattoo of:
[ ] Tiger
[ ] Dragon
[ ] Snake
[ ] Eagle
[ ] Hello Kitty
11. Work experience: (please X all that apply)
[ ] KTV Launge Bouncer
[ ] Snooker Hall Attendant
[ ] Unlicensed Contractor
[ ] Freelance debt collector
[ ] Unlicensed bookie
[ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement Professional
[ ] Unemployed
12. Spouse's Name: _________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that one) _________________________
Lover's Name: _________________________
2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one) _________________________
13. Number of children living in household: ____
Number of children living in foster care: ____
Number of children that are actually yours: ____
14. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
15. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
16. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary
school) 8 9 10 11 12
17. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply)
[ ] Hokkien
[ ] English
[ ] Malay
[ ] Tamil
[ ] Cantonese
[ ] rude hand gestures
18. Service performed in previous secret society:
[ ] Leadership/Tua Tao
[ ] Junior management/Suay Tao
[ ] Physical activities/Hooting
[ ] Dispute Resolution and settlement/Cham Siong
[ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui
With your application, please also enclose sample of blood (need not be your own).
This one - CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY, a Geylang-based organization for youth, is now recruiting members to fulfill a tender they are submitting to the new casi? Sorry, sorry, integrated resort.
Please fill in the form below and mail to:
Mr. Chao Ah Beng
Membership Officer
Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society
69 Geylang Lorong 69
Singapore 696969
Reference code: chapsartiam.com
APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY
1. NRIC No.: _________________
2. Surname: __________________
3. First name: (please X)
[ ] Johnson
[ ] Benson
[ ] Samson
[ ] Hamson
[ ] Janson
[ ] Other: _________________ (if not ! ending in son? please explain why)
4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with Ah? please explain why)
5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng
6. Sex: [ ] M [ ] F [ ] at Geylang
7. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm)
8. Ability to squat for:
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!)
9. Hairstyle:
[ ] Spiky
[ ] Dyed with streaks of blond
[ ] Dyed with streaks of red
[ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes
[ ] Kana mop like that
[ ] Perm (please state which saloon in JB you went)____________________
10. Tattoo of:
[ ] Tiger
[ ] Dragon
[ ] Snake
[ ] Eagle
[ ] Hello Kitty
11. Work experience: (please X all that apply)
[ ] KTV Launge Bouncer
[ ] Snooker Hall Attendant
[ ] Unlicensed Contractor
[ ] Freelance debt collector
[ ] Unlicensed bookie
[ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement Professional
[ ] Unemployed
12. Spouse's Name: _________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that one) _________________________
Lover's Name: _________________________
2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one) _________________________
13. Number of children living in household: ____
Number of children living in foster care: ____
Number of children that are actually yours: ____
14. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
15. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
16. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary
school) 8 9 10 11 12
17. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply)
[ ] Hokkien
[ ] English
[ ] Malay
[ ] Tamil
[ ] Cantonese
[ ] rude hand gestures
18. Service performed in previous secret society:
[ ] Leadership/Tua Tao
[ ] Junior management/Suay Tao
[ ] Physical activities/Hooting
[ ] Dispute Resolution and settlement/Cham Siong
[ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui
With your application, please also enclose sample of blood (need not be your own).
Joke
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments
And asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments
And asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Interview Candidate's Resume
INTERVIEW......
Name : Ah Meng
Age : Still young
Sex : Never. Still under age
Religion : I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before
Race : I love to race, how you know?
Nationality : I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo
IC Number : 6735
Telephone number : House no telephone
Hand phone number : 3310
Address : Penang Jelutong
City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode : I never post anything
State : In my family, I am 2nd
Country : I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status : Secret
Email Address : Hotmail
Education Background : My teacher said not bad
Working experience : Last time got sell pirated VCD
Father's name : Daddy
Father's IC : You ask him
Mother's name : Mummy
Mother's IC : You ask her
Current Salary : Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary : As much as you can pay
When can start work : Depends on my mood
Highest qualification : Ya, very high
Grade : Ya, very high
College/University : College
Signature : Can I use chop?
Name : Ah Meng
Age : Still young
Sex : Never. Still under age
Religion : I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before
Race : I love to race, how you know?
Nationality : I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo
IC Number : 6735
Telephone number : House no telephone
Hand phone number : 3310
Address : Penang Jelutong
City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode : I never post anything
State : In my family, I am 2nd
Country : I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status : Secret
Email Address : Hotmail
Education Background : My teacher said not bad
Working experience : Last time got sell pirated VCD
Father's name : Daddy
Father's IC : You ask him
Mother's name : Mummy
Mother's IC : You ask her
Current Salary : Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary : As much as you can pay
When can start work : Depends on my mood
Highest qualification : Ya, very high
Grade : Ya, very high
College/University : College
Signature : Can I use chop?
Health Tips
Answer the phone by LEFT ear .
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water .
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS .
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning...
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times.
Here are some healthy tip for your smartness & physical fitness. Prevention is better than cure.
HEALTHY JUICES
Carrot + Ginger + Apple - Boost and cleanse our system.
Apple + Cucumber + Celery - Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and eliminate stomach upset and headache.
Tomato + Carrot + Apple - Improve skin complexion and eliminate bad b reath.
Bitter gou rd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat.
Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.
Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon - To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.
Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi - To improve ski n complexion.
Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content.
Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango - Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization .
Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and str engthen body immunity.
Papaya + Pin eapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism.
Banana + Pineapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation
DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH
It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven a its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorder
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water .
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS .
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning...
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times.
Here are some healthy tip for your smartness & physical fitness. Prevention is better than cure.
HEALTHY JUICES
Carrot + Ginger + Apple - Boost and cleanse our system.
Apple + Cucumber + Celery - Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and eliminate stomach upset and headache.
Tomato + Carrot + Apple - Improve skin complexion and eliminate bad b reath.
Bitter gou rd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat.
Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.
Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon - To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.
Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi - To improve ski n complexion.
Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content.
Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango - Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization .
Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and str engthen body immunity.
Papaya + Pin eapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism.
Banana + Pineapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation
DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH
It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven a its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorder
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Food for Thought - Guardian Angel
Keep reading to the bottom of the page - don't stop at the feet (You'll see).
一定要阅读到最后，不要停下来，你将会看到
THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM
有些事并不象它看上去那样
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guestroom. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."
两个旅行中的天使到一个富有的家庭借宿。这家人对他们并不友好，并且拒绝让他们在舒适的客人卧室过夜，而是在冰冷的地下室给他们找了一个角落。当他们铺床时，较老的天使发现墙上有一个洞，就顺手把它修补好了。年轻的天使问为什么，老天使答到："有些事并不象它看上去那样。"
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field? The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.
第二晚，两人又到了一个非常贫穷的农家借宿。主人夫妇俩对他们非常热情，把仅有的一点点食物拿出来款待客人，然后又让出自己的床铺给两个天使。第二天一早，两个天使发现农夫和他的妻子在哭泣--他们唯一的生活来源，一头奶牛死了。年轻的天使非常愤怒，他质问老天使为什么会这样，第一个家庭什么都有，老天使还帮助他们修补墙洞，第二个家庭尽管如此贫穷还是热情款待客人，而老天使却没有阻止奶牛的死亡。
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."
"有些事并不象它看上去那样。"老天使答道，"当我们在地下室过夜时，我从墙洞看到墙里面堆满了金块。因为主人被贪欲所迷惑，不愿意分享他的财富，所以我把墙洞填上了。
"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
"昨天晚上，死亡之神来召唤农夫的妻子，我让奶牛代替了她。所以有些事并不象它看上去那样。"
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later....
有些时候事情的表面并不是它实际应该的样子。如果你有信念，你只需要坚信付出总会得到回报。你可能不会发现，直到后来…….
Some people come into our lives and quickly go…
有些人走进我们的生活然后很快就离开了…
Some people become friends and stay awhile... leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts....
有些人成为朋友并稍作停留… 在我们的心里留下美丽的足印。
and we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend!!
因为有了一个好朋友，我们会变得跟从前不一样！！
Yesterday is history. 昨天是历史。
Tomorrow a mystery. 明天是一个谜。
Today is a gift. 今天是一个礼物。
That's why it's called the present!
因此它才被称为present! (present同时具有当前、目前和礼物的意思)
I think this life is special...live and savour every moment....
This is not a dress rehearsal!
一定要阅读到最后，不要停下来，你将会看到
THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM
有些事并不象它看上去那样
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guestroom. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."
两个旅行中的天使到一个富有的家庭借宿。这家人对他们并不友好，并且拒绝让他们在舒适的客人卧室过夜，而是在冰冷的地下室给他们找了一个角落。当他们铺床时，较老的天使发现墙上有一个洞，就顺手把它修补好了。年轻的天使问为什么，老天使答到："有些事并不象它看上去那样。"
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field? The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.
第二晚，两人又到了一个非常贫穷的农家借宿。主人夫妇俩对他们非常热情，把仅有的一点点食物拿出来款待客人，然后又让出自己的床铺给两个天使。第二天一早，两个天使发现农夫和他的妻子在哭泣--他们唯一的生活来源，一头奶牛死了。年轻的天使非常愤怒，他质问老天使为什么会这样，第一个家庭什么都有，老天使还帮助他们修补墙洞，第二个家庭尽管如此贫穷还是热情款待客人，而老天使却没有阻止奶牛的死亡。
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."
"有些事并不象它看上去那样。"老天使答道，"当我们在地下室过夜时，我从墙洞看到墙里面堆满了金块。因为主人被贪欲所迷惑，不愿意分享他的财富，所以我把墙洞填上了。
"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
"昨天晚上，死亡之神来召唤农夫的妻子，我让奶牛代替了她。所以有些事并不象它看上去那样。"
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later....
有些时候事情的表面并不是它实际应该的样子。如果你有信念，你只需要坚信付出总会得到回报。你可能不会发现，直到后来…….
Some people come into our lives and quickly go…
有些人走进我们的生活然后很快就离开了…
Some people become friends and stay awhile... leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts....
有些人成为朋友并稍作停留… 在我们的心里留下美丽的足印。
and we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend!!
因为有了一个好朋友，我们会变得跟从前不一样！！
Yesterday is history. 昨天是历史。
Tomorrow a mystery. 明天是一个谜。
Today is a gift. 今天是一个礼物。
That's why it's called the present!
因此它才被称为present! (present同时具有当前、目前和礼物的意思)
I think this life is special...live and savour every moment....
This is not a dress rehearsal!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Are YOU a Psychopath?
This is a story about a girl.
While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy that she was searching for that she fell in love with him immediately.
However, she never asked for his name or number and afterward could not find anyone who knew who he was.
A few days later the girl killed her own sister.
Question: Why did she kill her sister?
First, find your own answer to this question.
Then, check out below for the answer.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: She reasoned that if the guy appeared at her mother's funeral, then he might appear another family funeral.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered correctly.
While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy that she was searching for that she fell in love with him immediately.
However, she never asked for his name or number and afterward could not find anyone who knew who he was.
A few days later the girl killed her own sister.
Question: Why did she kill her sister?
First, find your own answer to this question.
Then, check out below for the answer.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: She reasoned that if the guy appeared at her mother's funeral, then he might appear another family funeral.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered correctly.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Coca Cola Sales at Middle East
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know how to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters."
First poster - A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied "I also didn't realize that Arabs go from right to left"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know how to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters."
First poster - A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied "I also didn't realize that Arabs go from right to left"
Monday, March 9, 2009
Funny truths about life in Singapore .... ha ha
1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on
2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep
3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke
4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restricted to buying)
5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox
6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain
7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More
8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet
9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car, Credit Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans
10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland Chinese
11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain
12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats
13. Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus, Second section is for Carrying Ghost
2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep
3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke
4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restricted to buying)
5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox
6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain
7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More
8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet
9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car, Credit Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans
10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland Chinese
11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain
12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats
13. Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus, Second section is for Carrying Ghost
English Signs from Around the World
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
When a woman lies...... (a FunNy example)
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked . The seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimblestudded with rubies.
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
.
.
.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.
'Yes,' cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!' The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked . The seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimblestudded with rubies.
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
.
.
.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.
'Yes,' cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!' The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
New Approach for HR.
In a large multinational company..............
A fire alarm rang at 4 PM in a large office when almost all employees were in office (approx 5000). As usual the entire office was evacuated within 3 mins & all employees gathered outside the office in the designated area waiting for further announcement.
The Security Officer in charge made the following announcement:
"Dear employees with sincere regret I have been asked to announce that for many of you it will be your last evacuation drill. Due to the recession the company is laying off almost 50% of its employees. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building and if your swipe card does not work then it means you have been laid off in which case you will not be allowed inside and all your belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.
The Company has used this innovative approach as we didn't want to fill up the email box with lay-off mails and good bye mails in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside the office and the consequent security issue for all staff.
Hope you have had a rewarding career with us and all the best ahead.
Please move back in & try your luck".
A fire alarm rang at 4 PM in a large office when almost all employees were in office (approx 5000). As usual the entire office was evacuated within 3 mins & all employees gathered outside the office in the designated area waiting for further announcement.
The Security Officer in charge made the following announcement:
"Dear employees with sincere regret I have been asked to announce that for many of you it will be your last evacuation drill. Due to the recession the company is laying off almost 50% of its employees. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building and if your swipe card does not work then it means you have been laid off in which case you will not be allowed inside and all your belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.
The Company has used this innovative approach as we didn't want to fill up the email box with lay-off mails and good bye mails in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside the office and the consequent security issue for all staff.
Hope you have had a rewarding career with us and all the best ahead.
Please move back in & try your luck".
Monday, March 2, 2009
Golden Village tickets @ $8 (Singapore)
I received this promotion coupon from my colleague via email. You may check with GV whether this coupon is valid for use, enjoy.. :)
The story about Cow :P
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and bought a baby bull.
Nurse and feed it well;
They mate, your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You invest & kept the gains into the country reserve, You sell them and everyone retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You mortgage both of them to the bank & obtain investment for two more cows, Then re-mortgage the investment the four cows for eight cows and continue to do likewise, The financial market was flooding with mortgages & investments in cow's assets, No one knows where & who owned the original 2 cow's ...... ?
Then these 2 original cows grew old & eventually died, You are surprised when there's No Asset to back up the mortgage or repay the loan ???
Finally, You ask the govt to bail out the collapse financial cow's market!
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are..
You break for lunch..
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them..
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
And last but not least,
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu".
You have two cows.
You sell one and bought a baby bull.
Nurse and feed it well;
They mate, your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You invest & kept the gains into the country reserve, You sell them and everyone retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You mortgage both of them to the bank & obtain investment for two more cows, Then re-mortgage the investment the four cows for eight cows and continue to do likewise, The financial market was flooding with mortgages & investments in cow's assets, No one knows where & who owned the original 2 cow's ...... ?
Then these 2 original cows grew old & eventually died, You are surprised when there's No Asset to back up the mortgage or repay the loan ???
Finally, You ask the govt to bail out the collapse financial cow's market!
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are..
You break for lunch..
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them..
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
And last but not least,
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu".
Friday, February 27, 2009
Appraisal vs Resignation
A newly-joined trainee engineer asks his boss “What is the meaning of appraisal? "
Boss: " Do you know the meaning of resignation ? "
Trainee: “Yes, I do. "
Boss: “So let me make you understand what an appraisal is by comparing it with resignation. "
------------------------
Appraisal vs Resignation
------------------------
· In an appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In a resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
· During an appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even a 10% pay hike.
In a resignation meeting you can easily demand ( or get more without asking ) more than 50-60% pay-hike !
· During an appraisal, they will deny promotion saying that you did not meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and that you had several drawbacks in reaching objective/goal.
During resignation, they'll say you are the core member of the team; that you are the vision of the company, and so “How can you go? "; you have to take the project on your shoulders and lead your juniors to success.
· There is a 90% chance of not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is a 90% chance of getting an immediate pay-hike after you put in your resignation.
Trainee: " Yes, boss, good enough. Now I know what to do. When you are about to do my appraisal, I will resign. "
Boss: " Do you know the meaning of resignation ? "
Trainee: “Yes, I do. "
Boss: “So let me make you understand what an appraisal is by comparing it with resignation. "
------------------------
Appraisal vs Resignation
------------------------
· In an appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In a resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
· During an appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even a 10% pay hike.
In a resignation meeting you can easily demand ( or get more without asking ) more than 50-60% pay-hike !
· During an appraisal, they will deny promotion saying that you did not meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and that you had several drawbacks in reaching objective/goal.
During resignation, they'll say you are the core member of the team; that you are the vision of the company, and so “How can you go? "; you have to take the project on your shoulders and lead your juniors to success.
· There is a 90% chance of not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is a 90% chance of getting an immediate pay-hike after you put in your resignation.
Trainee: " Yes, boss, good enough. Now I know what to do. When you are about to do my appraisal, I will resign. "
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Eye Test
See the following image..
If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes make it sharp and small.. :P
If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes make it sharp and small.. :P
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Globalization defined
Here is a definition of globalization
Easy to understand and relate to.
Question : What is the truest example of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How so?
Answer:
An English princess with
an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling),
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by a Canadian,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladesh workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian truck-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization!
Easy to understand and relate to.
Question : What is the truest example of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How so?
Answer:
An English princess with
an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling),
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by a Canadian,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladesh workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian truck-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
New Wives Store
Continued version of Husband Mart joke.. You can click the link below, if you haven't read it..
Husband Mart
.
.
.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Husband Mart
.
.
.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Monday, February 23, 2009
THE OFFICIAL Laws of Flirting
FLIRTING RULES:
Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys: Automatically move closer to her. (If you're stupid, then you'll either say 'Me too.' or you'll give her your jacket...don't)
Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys: Lift her chin up and kiss her.
Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too...and MEAN IT!!
Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat.
Guys: Whisper in her ear; 'The stars are beautiful.....and so are you. Then link your hands with hers.
Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys: Automatically move closer to her. (If you're stupid, then you'll either say 'Me too.' or you'll give her your jacket...don't)
Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys: Lift her chin up and kiss her.
Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too...and MEAN IT!!
Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat.
Guys: Whisper in her ear; 'The stars are beautiful.....and so are you. Then link your hands with hers.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the na me of good GOD are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'
(You're gonna love this....)
She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the na me of good GOD are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'
(You're gonna love this....)
She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Jokes of the day 3
***
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...*
***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...*
***
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.*
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...*
***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...*
***
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
