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NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
LOYAL WIFE or CLEVER WIFE?
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him .'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it altogether, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him .'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it altogether, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
Friday, November 28, 2008
Jokes of the day
A 70 years old man asks his wife, 'Do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls?'
Wife replied 'No, not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it'
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A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date, her mother warned her......
'First, he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name.'
Next day, girl told Mom, 'Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family.'
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A white couple had a black baby...... The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: You hot, I hot, baby burnt!!!!!
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Wife: Honey, what are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing
Wife: Nothing? You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date!!!
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Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white???
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
Wife replied 'No, not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it'
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A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date, her mother warned her......
'First, he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name.'
Next day, girl told Mom, 'Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family.'
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A white couple had a black baby...... The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: You hot, I hot, baby burnt!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Honey, what are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing
Wife: Nothing? You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date!!!
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Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white???
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
Singapore True Story
A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner.
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper.Her father said 'If you both come back I will allow you to marry. I accept that you love each other truly.'
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress.He was
dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiancee, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after some time that she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and cremation was the very next day as he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains,and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.
She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady in her dream standing at her door.
She got very scared and fainted..
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which
shocked the girl. She asked 'What is this...?'
The old lady replied...
'Aiyaa..try DYNAMOLiquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains !!!' ...........
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper.Her father said 'If you both come back I will allow you to marry. I accept that you love each other truly.'
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress.He was
dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiancee, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after some time that she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and cremation was the very next day as he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains,and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.
She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady in her dream standing at her door.
She got very scared and fainted..
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which
shocked the girl. She asked 'What is this...?'
The old lady replied...
'Aiyaa..try DYNAMOLiquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains !!!' ...........
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monkey Business :P
If you have difficulty understanding the current world financial situation, the following should help...
Once upon a time in a village in India , a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, si! nce he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ' Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50. '
The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to WALL STREET.
Once upon a time in a village in India , a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, si! nce he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ' Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50. '
The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to WALL STREET.
The love story of Itai and Inai
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.
Itai and Inai were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day , while they were walking past the hospital 's swimming pool,
Itai suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool and stayed there.
Inai promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him
out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Inai's heroic act He
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Inai the news he said, 'Inai, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Itai hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt
right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Inai replied, 'he didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?'
they don't love you with all they have.
Itai and Inai were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day , while they were walking past the hospital 's swimming pool,
Itai suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool and stayed there.
Inai promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him
out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Inai's heroic act He
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Inai the news he said, 'Inai, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Itai hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt
right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Inai replied, 'he didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?'
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Some interesting theories about human and pigs
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = pigs that work
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
therefore, Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
therefore, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish all the pigs happy forever.
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = pigs that work
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
therefore, Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
therefore, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish all the pigs happy forever.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Ahbeng old jokes
This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and introduce to Ahbeng.
The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor
Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of
chatting with the girls his mother asked him.
Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?
Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most
Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto skool also easy
Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!
Ahkew : Why dunwan?
Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say " PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!
Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian
Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON! " dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?
Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say " BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!! " (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!
The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor
Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of
chatting with the girls his mother asked him.
Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?
Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most
Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto skool also easy
Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!
Ahkew : Why dunwan?
Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say " PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!
Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian
Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON! " dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?
Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say " BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!! " (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The World's... Hardest Game Version 1.0
This game is fun. You need to move your object to certain place without being hit by another moving objects. The higher the game level, the more difficult it is. Have fun !!
http://www.bored.com/games/play/65/Hardest-Game.html
http://www.bored.com/games/play/65/Hardest-Game.html
Another Cooking Game
Its quite similar with the first game, just that this game is in chinese language. Have fun..
http://www.telford.com.hk/game/taoti.htm
http://www.telford.com.hk/game/taoti.htm
Cooking Game
This game is called H.K. Cafe and it is quite fun. Customer will request certain foods or drinks, and you should prepare it as soon as possible, else they might get angry and cancel the order. The concept is quite similar like Sally's Saloon. Happy playing.. :)
http://maggiemarket.kizash.com/games/h.k._cafe/
http://maggiemarket.kizash.com/games/h.k._cafe/
Welcome
Welcome to Entertainment blog. I will post fun story and mini games' links in this blog.. Enjoy your visit.. :)
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