Posts
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?'
NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'
It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'
After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was:
'Which of the following is the largest?'
A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?
Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.
'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'
Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.
'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.
'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Puh, that can't be it.'
To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.'
'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.
'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'
Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Bubba choose truck
One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba, where'd you got that truck?"
"Tammie give it to me." Bubba replied.
"She give it to ya?
I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want.'
So I took the truck!"
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba, where'd you got that truck?"
"Tammie give it to me." Bubba replied.
"She give it to ya?
I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want.'
So I took the truck!"
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
How smart is your right foot?
This is really funny.. I tried and it is really true! Haha…
Just try this.
It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.
It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right Hand. Your foot will change direction.
It is involuntary and there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so. Send it to your buddies to frustrate them too.
Just try this.
It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.
It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right Hand. Your foot will change direction.
It is involuntary and there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so. Send it to your buddies to frustrate them too.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Double Talking Women
A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000.
The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
The husband turns from the paper and says, "What?"
The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
The husband turns from the paper and says, "What?"
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Management letter
Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy!, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy!, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Grandfather's Will (Indonesia Language)
If you do not understand, ask your indonesian friend to translate it for you, its funny.. :)
Engkong Caim umurnye ude 80 taon, asmanye kumat mulu, badan udeh tinggal tulang doang. Udeh jalan 2 minggu, Engkong Caim diinpus di rumah sakit. Napasnye udah tinggal senen kemis pake selang oxigen. Anak mantunye nungguin gantian siang malem.
Pas malem jum'at Engkong Caim ngedrop lagi, mukenye pucet, badannye dingin, matenye sipit ame napasnye tinggal atu dua. Si Nasir, anaknye semate wayang, ngirain babenye udeh waktunye koit. Ame si Nasir, dipanggil deh ustad kampung situ namenye Ustad Bokir. Begitu liat Engkong caim udeh diem aje, Bokir langsung baca-bacain macem-macem
doa. Eh tau-tau Engkong Caim megap-megap ame kejang-kejang, bikin panik orang. Pak bahase isyarat, Engkong Caim tangannye niruin orang nulis.
"Eh Nasir, Lu liat tuh tangan babe lu, daripade bengong, kasih bolpen kek babelu, kayaknye babe lu pengen nulis surat wasiat tuh" katenye Bokir. Nasir langsung ngibrit nyari kertas ame bolpen buat babenye, kali aje dapet warisan tanah di Condet pan lumayan. Pake sisa tenaganye, Engkong Caim nulis dikertas ampe' gemeter, abis gitu kertasnye dikasiin ke Bokir. Ame Bokir, surat wasiatnye langsung dikantongin. "Entar aje bacenye, kagak enak baca surat wasiat sekarang, pan babelu belon koit" katenye Bokir ngebisikin Nasir. Akhirnye Engkong Caim jadi koit dah. Inna Lillahi.
Orang sekampung pade nangisin, soalnye Engkon Caim biarin galak tapi baek ame tetangge.
Pas sukuran tujuh arinye Engkon Caim, Bokir diundang lagi ame Nasir buat ngebacain doa lagi. Abis bacain doa, Bokir baru inget kalo die dititipin surat wasiat ame almarhum Engkong Caim. Untungnye, Bokir make baju taqwa nyang minggu kemaren dipake waktu Engkong Caim koit, pas dirogoh, surat wasiatnye masih ade dikantongnye.
"Sodare-sodare sekalian, ade surat wasiat titipannye Engkon nyang belon sempet ane baca. Kalo kite inget masa idupnye Engkong, kayaknye sih isinye nasehat buat kite semue. Nyok kite baca bareng-bareng suratnye ye" kate Bokir.
Begitu abis ngebuka lipetan surat wasiatnye, tau-tau GUBRAK !!! Bokir
ngejeblak jatoh pingsan.
Pas dibaca ame Nasir, ternyate isi suratnye cuma begini "HEH Bokir !!!! Lu bedirinye sonoan dikit nape, jangan nginjek selang oxigen gue !!!!!"
Engkong Caim umurnye ude 80 taon, asmanye kumat mulu, badan udeh tinggal tulang doang. Udeh jalan 2 minggu, Engkong Caim diinpus di rumah sakit. Napasnye udah tinggal senen kemis pake selang oxigen. Anak mantunye nungguin gantian siang malem.
Pas malem jum'at Engkong Caim ngedrop lagi, mukenye pucet, badannye dingin, matenye sipit ame napasnye tinggal atu dua. Si Nasir, anaknye semate wayang, ngirain babenye udeh waktunye koit. Ame si Nasir, dipanggil deh ustad kampung situ namenye Ustad Bokir. Begitu liat Engkong caim udeh diem aje, Bokir langsung baca-bacain macem-macem
doa. Eh tau-tau Engkong Caim megap-megap ame kejang-kejang, bikin panik orang. Pak bahase isyarat, Engkong Caim tangannye niruin orang nulis.
"Eh Nasir, Lu liat tuh tangan babe lu, daripade bengong, kasih bolpen kek babelu, kayaknye babe lu pengen nulis surat wasiat tuh" katenye Bokir. Nasir langsung ngibrit nyari kertas ame bolpen buat babenye, kali aje dapet warisan tanah di Condet pan lumayan. Pake sisa tenaganye, Engkong Caim nulis dikertas ampe' gemeter, abis gitu kertasnye dikasiin ke Bokir. Ame Bokir, surat wasiatnye langsung dikantongin. "Entar aje bacenye, kagak enak baca surat wasiat sekarang, pan babelu belon koit" katenye Bokir ngebisikin Nasir. Akhirnye Engkong Caim jadi koit dah. Inna Lillahi.
Orang sekampung pade nangisin, soalnye Engkon Caim biarin galak tapi baek ame tetangge.
Pas sukuran tujuh arinye Engkon Caim, Bokir diundang lagi ame Nasir buat ngebacain doa lagi. Abis bacain doa, Bokir baru inget kalo die dititipin surat wasiat ame almarhum Engkong Caim. Untungnye, Bokir make baju taqwa nyang minggu kemaren dipake waktu Engkong Caim koit, pas dirogoh, surat wasiatnye masih ade dikantongnye.
"Sodare-sodare sekalian, ade surat wasiat titipannye Engkon nyang belon sempet ane baca. Kalo kite inget masa idupnye Engkong, kayaknye sih isinye nasehat buat kite semue. Nyok kite baca bareng-bareng suratnye ye" kate Bokir.
Begitu abis ngebuka lipetan surat wasiatnye, tau-tau GUBRAK !!! Bokir
ngejeblak jatoh pingsan.
Pas dibaca ame Nasir, ternyate isi suratnye cuma begini "HEH Bokir !!!! Lu bedirinye sonoan dikit nape, jangan nginjek selang oxigen gue !!!!!"
Monday, February 2, 2009
Happy CNY
I just came back from CNY holiday, happy Chinese New Year everyone. Wish you prosperity and have a better life in this new year :)
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Steven Covey's famous 7 habits for successful people are nothing more than a free adaptation of Hokkien phrases.
So why pay thousands of dollars to listen to him when your parents, wives, husbands, and even the auntie-auntie who sweeps the floor, can give you that kind of advice every day?
Habit No 1: Be Pro-Active
Kin Ka Kin Chiew (fast leg, fast hand)
Habit No 2: Begin with the End In Mind
Ooh Tao Ooh Buay (have head, have tail)
Habit No 3: First Things First
Chik Hung Chik Hung Lai - Ban Ban Lai
(One thing at a time, slow and steady); or
Cho Tow Seng (do first)
Habit No 4: Think Win-Win
Long Chong Ai Yarh (want to win in everything)
Habit No 5: Seek To Understand Rather Than To Be Understood
Cho Lang Ai Eh Beng Pek (you must be understanding)
Habit No 6: Synergize
Tai Kay Ai Hup Chop (all must co-perate)
Habit No 7: Sharpen the Saw
Toh Bua Lai Lai
Habit No 1: Be Pro-Active
Kin Ka Kin Chiew (fast leg, fast hand)
Habit No 2: Begin with the End In Mind
Ooh Tao Ooh Buay (have head, have tail)
Habit No 3: First Things First
Chik Hung Chik Hung Lai - Ban Ban Lai
(One thing at a time, slow and steady); or
Cho Tow Seng (do first)
Habit No 4: Think Win-Win
Long Chong Ai Yarh (want to win in everything)
Habit No 5: Seek To Understand Rather Than To Be Understood
Cho Lang Ai Eh Beng Pek (you must be understanding)
Habit No 6: Synergize
Tai Kay Ai Hup Chop (all must co-perate)
Habit No 7: Sharpen the Saw
Toh Bua Lai Lai
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
What you'll never hear S women say to their boyfriends or husbands in this day and age :P
Just a joke.. no offense :)
1. Honey, I don't care what you do for a living, you can be labourer for all I care, what matters is that I love you!!
2. I don't care about money! As long as we're together, everything will work out fine; love will see us through!
3. When we get married, I'll be the best cook and we'll have lots of kids!
4. Aiyoooo! This Ang Mor fellow at the office try to chase after me you know! I told him I already got a boyfriend!! So disgusting! I damn scared of Ang Mor, eekkk! So big size and hairy like a gorilla!!
5. Don't worry about these things like a big house and a car, as long as I have you, I'll be the happiest girl on earth!
6. It's OK, we'll use the money from my personal savings account - my money is your money!
7. Please put away your wallet dear, since you still haven't got a job after being retrenched, I'll pay for dinner. Please don't feel bad about this.
8. Aiyah, why you always want to take me to restaurant to eat! Let's save money and eat at the hawker center instead lah!
9. Alamak, please lah, we can take the MRT home, no need to call a taxi!
10. Your mother can move in with us, darling. We all have to make sacrifices as a family.
1. Honey, I don't care what you do for a living, you can be labourer for all I care, what matters is that I love you!!
2. I don't care about money! As long as we're together, everything will work out fine; love will see us through!
3. When we get married, I'll be the best cook and we'll have lots of kids!
4. Aiyoooo! This Ang Mor fellow at the office try to chase after me you know! I told him I already got a boyfriend!! So disgusting! I damn scared of Ang Mor, eekkk! So big size and hairy like a gorilla!!
5. Don't worry about these things like a big house and a car, as long as I have you, I'll be the happiest girl on earth!
6. It's OK, we'll use the money from my personal savings account - my money is your money!
7. Please put away your wallet dear, since you still haven't got a job after being retrenched, I'll pay for dinner. Please don't feel bad about this.
8. Aiyah, why you always want to take me to restaurant to eat! Let's save money and eat at the hawker center instead lah!
9. Alamak, please lah, we can take the MRT home, no need to call a taxi!
10. Your mother can move in with us, darling. We all have to make sacrifices as a family.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Men = Problem??
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!
Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:
MEN tal illness
MENstrual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MENopause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HIS terectomy..
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!
Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:
MEN tal illness
MENstrual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MENopause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HIS terectomy..
Friday, January 16, 2009
How are you going to tell the taxi driver.........????
Driver : Nak ke mana cik?
Penumpang: Saya nak ke bandar Sunway. Dekat jer, rumah saya kat Jalan Puki Mak U Lah...
Driver : Cik, kita ni orang Melayu. Tak boleh ke gunakan bahasa yang lebih sopan.
Penumpang: Nak sopan macam mana lagi bang. Dah memang itu nama jalannya.
Driver : %$#@&*
Penumpang: Saya nak ke bandar Sunway. Dekat jer, rumah saya kat Jalan Puki Mak U Lah...
Driver : Cik, kita ni orang Melayu. Tak boleh ke gunakan bahasa yang lebih sopan.
Penumpang: Nak sopan macam mana lagi bang. Dah memang itu nama jalannya.
Driver : %$#@&*
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Funny Answer..
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says :
"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
************ ********* ********* ********* *****
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,
" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
************ ********* ********* ********* *
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
************ ********* ********* *****
Husband asks:
"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
Information
F ighting
Every-time
Wife replies:
" No,......
It means:
With
I diot
For
E ver !!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* **
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says :
"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
************ ********* ********* ********* *****
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,
" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
************ ********* ********* ********* *
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
************ ********* ********* *****
Husband asks:
"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
Information
F ighting
Every-time
Wife replies:
" No,......
It means:
With
I diot
For
E ver !!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* **
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Letter from India
My dear Jagjit, I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We are not living where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I am not able to send the address, as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. But I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you,
your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way, I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash.
He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece we should remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and
drowned.
We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love,
Mom.
P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter
We are not living where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I am not able to send the address, as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. But I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you,
your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way, I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash.
He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece we should remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and
drowned.
We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love,
Mom.
P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter
Monday, January 12, 2009
Just for Laugh
Q : What is the similarity between men and rats?
A : Both keep searching for new holes.
Q : What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A : Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q : What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A : When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q : What's the height of recycling?
A : Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.
>
Q : Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A : Lady : Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Q : Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A : The boy friend's hand.
Q : Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A : The animals told him. Your tail is in front".
A : Both keep searching for new holes.
Q : What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A : Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q : What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A : When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q : What's the height of recycling?
A : Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.
>
Q : Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A : Lady : Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Q : Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A : The boy friend's hand.
Q : Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A : The animals told him. Your tail is in front".
Friday, January 9, 2009
Husbands
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum, dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M,
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum, dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M,
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Med School - A LESSON TO BE LEARNED
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them: 'In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.'
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
' Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. Each one tried his best not to puke.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention.'
The professor started the class by telling them: 'In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.'
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
' Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. Each one tried his best not to puke.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention.'
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right..... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right..... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Men's Pearls of Wisdom
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a s*x object. Every time you ask for s*x, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of s*x in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having s*x is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone s*x once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a s*x object. Every time you ask for s*x, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of s*x in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having s*x is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone s*x once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Education by PCK
Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius.........
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable because, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn .........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ........................... you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... ,' Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!' also ah!!!
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable because, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn .........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ........................... you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... ,' Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!' also ah!!!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
New Guidelines for Understanding Job Requirements
"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Humour - Fotografer (Indonesia Language Version)
Karena asik memotret sunset dan mengeksplorasi wilayah yang baru pertama kali dia kunjungi, seorang travel photografer baru menyadari bahwa dia sudah tersesat dan ditinggal oleh rombongannya. Dan tanpa disangka-sangka, hujan badai turun! Spontan fotografer itu bete abis... udah tersesat,gelap, ujan pula...Tapi akhirnya timbul harapan...Di ujung jalan dia melihat lampu mobil (lampu kecil) perlahan-lahan mendekat.
Tidak mau kehilangan kesempatan, dia melambaikan tangannya untuk meminta tumpangan. Ketika mobil tersebut mendekat, tanpa mau membuang waktu,tanpa meminta izin, dan dalam kondisi mobil masih jalan dengan kecepatan yang sama, sang fotografer langsung naik ke mobil( takut gak di kasih naik kali ???),duduk dan kaget!!! Karena dia baru menyadari bahwa mobil tersebut tidak ada yang> mengemudikan.
Tapi daripada turun dan ketakutan didalam kegelapan sang fotografer memutuskan tetap> bertahan dalam mobil, sambil berdoa.
Dalam perjalanan di dalam mobil yang berjalan dengan pelan sekali, ketika mobil sepertinya akan menabrak pohon atau jatuh ke jurang, tiba-tiba muncul sebuah tangan dan mengendalikan setir agar mobil tidak menabrak atau jatuh.
Hal tersebut terus terjadi berulang kali. Fotografer semakin ketakutan....tapi daripada turun.....( gak tahu apa yang terjadi...toh sekarang masih aman meski takut banget..)
Akhirnya, ketika mobil mendekati sebuah warung kopi ( kelihatan ada bapak dan ibu penunggu warung ),fotografer tersebut buru2 turun dengan meloncat, saking takutnya. Langsung memesan secangkir kopi untuk menenangkan diri.
Sambil menangis terisak-isak, fotografer tersebut menceritakan kejadian seram yang baru saja dia alami.Setelah selesai bercerita, fotografer tersebut akhirnya pingsan kelelahan dan juga karena menahan rasa takut.
Mendadak, dua orang berpakaian kotor dan basah kuyup masuk ke dalam warung kopi dan melihat sang fotografer yang sedang pingsan.
Spontan salah satu dari mereka berkata, "Itu dia kampret yang numpang dimobil yang lagi kita dorong!"
Tidak mau kehilangan kesempatan, dia melambaikan tangannya untuk meminta tumpangan. Ketika mobil tersebut mendekat, tanpa mau membuang waktu,tanpa meminta izin, dan dalam kondisi mobil masih jalan dengan kecepatan yang sama, sang fotografer langsung naik ke mobil( takut gak di kasih naik kali ???),duduk dan kaget!!! Karena dia baru menyadari bahwa mobil tersebut tidak ada yang> mengemudikan.
Tapi daripada turun dan ketakutan didalam kegelapan sang fotografer memutuskan tetap> bertahan dalam mobil, sambil berdoa.
Dalam perjalanan di dalam mobil yang berjalan dengan pelan sekali, ketika mobil sepertinya akan menabrak pohon atau jatuh ke jurang, tiba-tiba muncul sebuah tangan dan mengendalikan setir agar mobil tidak menabrak atau jatuh.
Hal tersebut terus terjadi berulang kali. Fotografer semakin ketakutan....tapi daripada turun.....( gak tahu apa yang terjadi...toh sekarang masih aman meski takut banget..)
Akhirnya, ketika mobil mendekati sebuah warung kopi ( kelihatan ada bapak dan ibu penunggu warung ),fotografer tersebut buru2 turun dengan meloncat, saking takutnya. Langsung memesan secangkir kopi untuk menenangkan diri.
Sambil menangis terisak-isak, fotografer tersebut menceritakan kejadian seram yang baru saja dia alami.Setelah selesai bercerita, fotografer tersebut akhirnya pingsan kelelahan dan juga karena menahan rasa takut.
Mendadak, dua orang berpakaian kotor dan basah kuyup masuk ke dalam warung kopi dan melihat sang fotografer yang sedang pingsan.
Spontan salah satu dari mereka berkata, "Itu dia kampret yang numpang dimobil yang lagi kita dorong!"
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